Am 39 weeks exactly today, which means I'm 1 week away from the EDD, though I have a very strong feeling this little fish is going to overstay :( no signs, no symptoms, no nothing, and all these, coupled with what I presume is crazy hormones, are making me a little upset..
Firstly, all those anecdotes I've heard (from friends and relatives) are mostly about how ppl went into labor before 40 weeks. Secondly, I just have the feeling that ppl are staring (albeit rudely) at my oversized bump (and I also imagine that they do it with a tinge of disgust), and this makes me feel disgusted at my size at times. Don't get me wrong, I'm extremely grateful that I have a baby in me waiting to be born, I feel extremely blessed that this baby-to-be entered our life, and I know perfectly well there are sacrifices to be made. But what irks me is how ppl look at me.... Sigh.. I know, I probably shouldn't give a fuck since, Harlow, what do they know?? And I'm probably just extremely sensitive now coz I'm tired and have my hormones all over the place..
It's so crazy that I even get upset looking at other expecting mums (like, I dun like it that I'm not the only one in this room who's expecting) - very bitchy and diva-ish and stupid, I know.. But this is exactly how I feel now, if I can just be honest with myself. And it's so crazy that I get upset bcoz I know ppl younger than me (whom I personally know) already have more kids than I do and have more coming on the way. What kind of self-entitled bitchy mentality is this? I feel disgusted at myself for even having such thoughts..
I just wanna be that joyful and excited expectant woman I was during the 2nd trimester... Being in my 39 weeks and experiencing zero sign of labor is making me a very grouchy person...
Little fish, don't be mistaken... Momma loves u a lot.. It's just that sometimes hormones gets the better of me and I just spiral into foul mood. I know after seeing your face, hearing u cry, and seeing u smile in a couple of weeks' time, I'll soon forget all about this stupid phase. No doubt I'll be exhausted and overwhelmed, but give me time, and I'll be the best version of Momma I can be to u, my little precious fish...
But please, try not to overstay OK? The doctor offered to take u out using artificial methods in the week you're overdue, and that might hurt both u and me. So if ure ready, pls come into this world naturally OK? Momma loves u, little fish... And daddy fish loves u too.. Everyone in the family is waiting excitedly for your arrival, so don't make us wait too long OK?
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