suffocated

the moment i stepped into the house, i got interrogated.

remember i talked abt the tv show thingy?

yes, my parents are so not for the idea.

i can't see why i can't decide stuff for myself. am i not old enough? i know my limits, i know how to prioritize. you decide when i can get a bf, u decide when i can get married, u decide whether i can go out. now what else do you want to decide? when i die? no, that's not within your control. please, i'm really suffocated. i'm not a kid anymore, so please don't attempt to hold my hands and walk me down the pathways of life. please, it's not as if i'm into drugs or i get into fights. please, it's juz a damn bloody job! acting is juz another job! let me decide what i wanna do willya? let me learn the hard way if u really want me to learn, for i can never know the danger of something unless i experience it myself. it's not as if i'm gonna die or what.

they weren't satisfied. until they heard me say "ok, i will tell the person the place is too far and that i wanna back out".

Then they were happy.

please, i don't like to be manipulated this way, manipulated to say "yes" or "no". please, i'm not a puppet. please, don't do this to me.

let me learn to survive in this complicated world by letting me experiencing things for myself. times are different anyway. if i get conned, if i get into any trouble, that's juz like luck, that's juz my life, that's juz too bad, i'm sorry, if that happens, i'm sorry i wasted your 20 years of grooming me, hoping i can be somebody, wasted your 20 years of energy and effort. sorry, but i am mere human. don't expect dog-like obedience from me. i am human